mid-day naps really fuck with my sleep schedule. now i can’t fall asleep, and i have school at 8 and then work from 5-11. why can’t it just be saturday already, with me lying on the beach getting black god dammit. give. me. summer. now. please.
it’s a terrible unfortunate reality we’re living in, when we realize that the only thing that is ever omnipresent in our minds is eating away, slowly but surely, at our sanity. it encompasses our very being, makes us question our importance, doubt our self-worth. days, weeks, months go by without any contact, so you go about yourself, filling these empty places with distractions that numb the pain, but only temporarily. you think you’re getting better, that you’re recovering, but then this thing- and we all know what (or rather, who) this thing is- they slither back into your present life, even if only for just a moment, and your world comes crashing back down again, and you’re left there to pick up the pieces. and although you are able to put yourself back together, you’ll never be who you were before this thing attached itself to your life. the scars you receive, they stay with you, and you can either grow and learn from them, or shrink further into yourself and allow their hold on you to become something threatens your stability whenever they pass through your conscience. it is a day to day battle, you will come out stronger in the end. yes, it fucking sucks now, but we will be okay. eventually..
“Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. When we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad the thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way so the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes and let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again and always, every time, it takes your breath away.
There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.”—Grey’s Anatomy (via wesharethesadness)